A healthy relationship is characterised by love, intimacy, physical attraction, mutual respect, honesty, trust, compassion, optimum space, individuation, care, security and commitment. The initial phase of the relationship contains most of these facets, if not all of them. Yet, as we embark upon the journey of a relationship, we are met with many turns, hairpin bends, stop signs, roadblocks and speed breakers. Have you ever wondered how one ensures smooth cruising despite these vicissitudes?
Every relationship has myriad aspects that are determined by a number of factors, such as each partner's beliefs, upbringing, value systems, lifestyle, and expectations. However, one of the biggest factors, according to me, is the stage that the relationship is in at the time of evaluation – whether the individuals are dating, cohabiting or married. Each stage of a relationship has its own characteristic strengths and challenges. And as a relationship progresses, new strengths and new challenges are encountered. For instance, many couples have a good relationship while they are dating or cohabiting, but are unable to handle the changes when their relationship progresses to marriage, or even when the relationship is just formalised through an engagement or 'rokka'. Not dealing with the challenges at each stage could cause serious dents in the relationship. Even minor disagreements become festering issues. It is extremely important to recognise when your relationship is unable to get past these issues and starts to become unhealthy. Meeting your partner becomes less and less positive, your interactions begin to have negative outcomes, tempers tend to flare and argument never seem to get resolved.
Recognise Early Signs: If you identify with ANY of these signs, you and/or your relationship need help-
- You are constantly feeling afraid to disagree or fear criticism or are unable to express anger
- You often feel stifled, trapped or stagnant in your relationship but are unable to escape the pressure of the relationship
- You are not being able to communicate openly with your partner and frequently feel the need to lie, hide or cheat
- You experience repetitive patterns of arguments, fights and conflicts in your relationship, such that the topic of the fight to the responses related to it keep repeating in a periodically repetitive manner
- You frequently delve into patterns of negative thinking and get anxious
- Your relationship is centered around the needs and wants of only one partner
- Your relationship is marked with abusive patterns such as hitting or yelling
Current research indicates that unhealthy personal relationships lead to stress, depression, anxiety and health and medical problems. Research also indicates that many people wait until they view their situation as 'severe' before seeking therapy. Therapy has benefits even if only one partner decides to seek help. Therapy is known to be more helpful to people who choose not to wait, but seek help early. If you feel you are in an unhealthy relationship, then therapy can be useful for you.
