Losing a loved one is never easy. It is even harder when the death is untimely or due to unnatural or traumatic causes. Grief causes feelings of shock, numbness, pain, sadness, frustration, guilt, anger and fear. It is a natural response to the loss of a family member, friend or an unborn child. The closer you are to that situation, more severe the feelings due to the loss. And, while there is no correct or incorrect way to deal with the loss, there are healthy coping skills for grief management. How you grieve and how much time you grieve for depends on many factors such as your closeness to the person, your personality, the reason and timing of the loss, your support system, life experience and your faith and belief system. Grief follows its own process; for some people it may last for a few months, a year or so for few and for some, it can’t even be measured in years. However, it is important to work through the feelings of pain, sadness and grief once the individual is ready for it.

Stages of Grief: Overcoming grief has been associated with the following 5 stages by renowned Psychiatrist Kubler-Ross:

1. Denial: “No, this is not possible”
2. Anger: “Why is this happening to me”
3. Bargaining: “Please, I will give anything to have this person back”
4. Depression: “I am too upset to do anything”
5. Acceptance: “This had to happen, I understand now”

However, these stages present themselves in just as messy ways as the feelings of grief. An individual may or may not experience grief in this order or not even go through all the stages of grief. It is not uncommon to go back to previous stages either.

Grief in Children: Children grieve differently from adults. Children up to 4 years believe death is reversible and, thus, temporary. Children aged between 5-9 years question life and death and their purposes. The process of grief for the loss of a parent, grandparent, sibling or even a pet may take up to few months and feelings of sadness, anger, blame and guilt are common. Children should be encouraged to pay their respect to the departed soul in the way that they are comfortable, and not be forced to attend funeral services. They should be granted the space to express and deal with their grief. Love, support, stability and a normalised routine are essential to help them cope. Long-term avoidance of grief or denial of the loss may indicate deeper emotional issues and could lead to severe problems.

Within grief, one tends to have ups and downs. But, you are able to disconnect from the grief at times. However, if the pain and/or the feelings of numbness or emptiness are constant, then you may have depression. Psychotherapy has been proven to be extremely beneficial for both Grief Management and Depression. In therapy, you will be able to work through your feelings of guilt, frustration, anger or sadness. You will be able to sharpen your coping mechanisms and build resilience. It will also help strengthen your relationship with the other family members. Therapy will help restore balance in your life and put YOU back in-charge of it.